I thought I would write a wee (no pun intended) section on babycare.
When I had my children, particularly my first, the whole thing was rather overwhelming, and I would have really appreciated tips and advice from other mothers about how they handled things. I also have a best friend who lives in Australia who is having her first baby. I'm missing it all, so this is for her too. Please note these are tips, not doctor approved, or scientifically proved, just things that I have learnt through having 3 children. This is a work in progress that I will keep updating...
A
Angels
You may anticipate that this creature that has been growing in your tummy for the last 9 months will pop out looking like the most beautiful thing on earth. Just beware. Sometimes they don't. I was fortunate that my first looked like a little doll, but Johnny and Cici were both squashed and really not that beautiful. "Ahh isn't he, urm, characterful!'. Don't worry, they get much cuter as they get bigger, I have proof.
Anxiety
It is totally NORMAL to feel really blue a week or so after your baby is born. You may want to cry at the slightest thing, even someone saying 'oooh what a lovely baby'. Don't panic, it's normal and it will go away. However if it gets worse, the best thing you can do is talk to someone about it - don't be afraid of speaking to your doctor or your midwife (even if the latter can sometimes be a little scary. I was petrified of mine!) See under D for more info.
Alcohol
Clearly, don't get drunk during your pregnancy. If you have a small glass of wine on rare occasions then it will be absolutely fine. When you've had the baby you might fancy it a bit more, which again is fine in moderation. However if you go out for a party and have had a little more than you should, remember to express and throw away the subsequent feed. Clearly alcohol is not good for the baby, and also gives them bad indigestion.
Alcohol
Clearly, don't get drunk during your pregnancy. If you have a small glass of wine on rare occasions then it will be absolutely fine. When you've had the baby you might fancy it a bit more, which again is fine in moderation. However if you go out for a party and have had a little more than you should, remember to express and throw away the subsequent feed. Clearly alcohol is not good for the baby, and also gives them bad indigestion.
B
Bag for hospital
Mummy
Maternity bra
Breast pads
Nipple cream (use it even if it doesn't hurt at all, prevention better than cure)
Big maternity pants - that go right over bump if having a c-section
Lots of maternity pads
Antibacterial cleaning wipes to clean communal bath/shower/loo before you use it (can't always rely on NHS)
Flip flops for shower incase it looks dirty
Slippers
Anusol in case of piles during labour
Dressing gown
Your own pillow
Your own blanket
Wash bag (incl a spoily face moisturiser or hand cream, something that smells good)
Deodorant
2-3 changes of comfy PJs or nightie - easy breast feeding access ones.
Hair brush & hair ties
Breast feeding pillow if you have one
Magazines
Food you like for snacks
Baby
Nappies
Nappy cream
Wipes
Cotton wool
Organic baby wash for their first bath!
Organic baby oil
Clothes - simple ones, not with waist bands as their umbilical cord will still be attached and it can rub. Bring a change incase they poop everywhere.
Warm coat/ all in one for when you leave hospital
Dummy for newborns, even if you think you will never ever use one
A soft blanket that you love from home
A swaddling blanket
A hat
Baths
Mummy
Maternity bra
Breast pads
Nipple cream (use it even if it doesn't hurt at all, prevention better than cure)
Big maternity pants - that go right over bump if having a c-section
Lots of maternity pads
Antibacterial cleaning wipes to clean communal bath/shower/loo before you use it (can't always rely on NHS)
Flip flops for shower incase it looks dirty
Slippers
Anusol in case of piles during labour
Dressing gown
Your own pillow
Your own blanket
Wash bag (incl a spoily face moisturiser or hand cream, something that smells good)
Deodorant
2-3 changes of comfy PJs or nightie - easy breast feeding access ones.
Hair brush & hair ties
Breast feeding pillow if you have one
Magazines
Food you like for snacks
Baby
Nappies
Nappy cream
Wipes
Cotton wool
Organic baby wash for their first bath!
Organic baby oil
Clothes - simple ones, not with waist bands as their umbilical cord will still be attached and it can rub. Bring a change incase they poop everywhere.
Warm coat/ all in one for when you leave hospital
Dummy for newborns, even if you think you will never ever use one
A soft blanket that you love from home
A swaddling blanket
A hat
Baths
When your baby is first born they are pretty tiny. I never bought one of those little bath things, although some of my friends swear by them. I just washed all my babies in the kitchen sink! Then as they got bigger, I bought one of those fab little plastic bath chairs that you can plonk them in. This works especially well when you have other children in the bath with the baby. One thing, really, really don't leave them in the bath chair alone. Not if the phone rings, not just to pop next door and get the towel. Sounds obvious, but in real life there are so many times when you are tempted - don't.
Your midwife will tell you just to use water to wash them, but I always wanted mine to smell all delicious. At the newborn stage only use a very mild soap - Weleda Baby is wonderful. After I used to rub a few drops of either Burts Bees Baby oil or Dr Hauschka rose oil. Both are wonderful. The latter the best but it is quite expensive. Regarding nappy creams, see under N.
Breech Baby
A breech baby is when the baby is not head down in the birth canal. There are 3 types of breech I believe: Footling breech - feet first; Complete breech - baby sitting on heels (Buddha style) and Frank breech - bottom first, with feet up by head. Johnny was the latter, so more like a rugby ball in your tummy, lying across rather than down. It can get very uncomfortable at the end of your pregnancy - although the end of your pregnancy is uncomfortable anyway as the baby is squashing all your organs (perhaps nature's way of getting you used to the sleep deprivation to come?!). Most breech babies are born by caesarian section these days, although there are various methods to try and get the baby to turn. Amongst some I have read up on (headstands, crawling around the house on all fours, putting ipod music in your pants?!) I did try reflexology, which despite being totally wonderfully relaxing, didn't work for me. The midwife will also offer to try and turn the baby manually. This is called an ECV. They apply pressure to your tummy and try and get the baby to summersault. Rarely it can affect the placenta or baby and you have to have an emergency c-section. On most occasions it either works or doesn't - 50/50. I didn't fancy it, as I'd heard it was quite uncomfortable. I had hoped Johnny would turn by himself, but he didn't so was born by c-section, a few days earlier than anticipated, and came out looking like a squashed stress ball (he is now beautiful!).
Bottoms
A new born baby's bottom is very delicate. At the hospital they often advise you to use cotton wool and water. If you do this, use warm water, otherwise the baby tends to pee everywhere. If you find a really sticky black poo (meconium) and the water just isn't doing it, go and get some olive oil and use that on cotton wool. It really works, even if they smell like an Italian dinner. But, shock horror, you could just use wipes. The midwives sometimes make you feel like a beastly mother using a fresh wipe from a packet rather than cotton wool, but by the time I got to 2nd and 3rd baby that's exactly what I did. Use sensitive ones to start, and fragrance free.
Breastfeeding and Boobs
Every midwife under the sun will tell you that breast is best. And it is. But for some people it is really really painful, and very stressful. Leonora was born at 32 weeks and just didn't want to suck. I persevered for 13 weeks. Initially using the hospital breast pumps (you feel just like you are a cow being milked - nice), waking up every 3 hours to 'express', and I used to get the tiniest drop. Literally a less than 10ml. It was soul destroying. Yet EVERYONE had told me I must breastfeed: my mother, my granny, my mother-in-law and all the nurses (you would think formula was a drug). When she was discharged at 6 weeks, I breastfed and then gave her a bottle every feed. It was never-ending. Finally I was lucky enough to see a breast feeding specialist, Clare Byam-Cook, and she diagnosed a rather horrible sounding thing: nipple thrush (see under N). After treating that, and still no luck, I finally just gave in. It broke my heart, but actually it lifted a huge weight off my chest. I hadn't realised how stressed I had become, and I vowed not to do the same with any subsequent children. And just to show how fickle life is, I fed the next 2 quite easily for nearly 5 months, giving up when I just couldn't face a maternity bra for any longer.
Breast pads
There are lots of different ones on the market. My tip is that if it is the summer, go for one with a pink backing, so you don't have great big white circles showing through your t'shirts. Or try and find a skin coloured maternity bra (which is actually a challenge - see M)
Breast pads
There are lots of different ones on the market. My tip is that if it is the summer, go for one with a pink backing, so you don't have great big white circles showing through your t'shirts. Or try and find a skin coloured maternity bra (which is actually a challenge - see M)
Bottle Feeding
I really recommend getting your baby used to a bottle from quite early on. You can express milk if you are very concerned about only giving breast (although there is NOTHING wrong with formula those whose midwives may have made you feel otherwise). It gives your other half a chance to bond with the baby, it gives your potentially sore nipples a break, you might even get to miss one of the night feeds (thanks daddy) and catch up on precious sleep, and it makes your life much easier when you later decide to wean them on to a bottle.
Which bottle to buy? I'm afraid I was a complete sucker for those with the fancy non-colic gadgets. Leonora had 'silent reflux' and cried an awful lot that I would have tried a gold-plated one if someone had told me it would help. I still don't know if they do help, but if your baby feeds well, I'd just go for something simple to avoid having to search in the back of the dishwasher for the various pieces that have fallen down the back. For a newborn, go for something with a soft looking teat that isn't too big.
Buggies
Ah which buggy?!
If you are planning on having more than one baby, in close succession, it might be worth going for a Phil and Teds, or other such double buggy, where the new born can lie completely flat, and the sibling can sit underneath.
Bugaboos are great in London, and lots of friends have sworn by them. They fit the maxi cosi car seat, and the new urban version with smaller wheels is great for buses etc. If you have a big enough space you can then use a buggy board, which are fab, but do bear in mind that even at 3, if you are going a long way, the children do get tired of standing.
Maclaren do great buggies from 3 months on, but I worried they did not recline back far enough for a new tiny baby. However they are FAB for every other purpose once the baby is a bit bigger.
I bought a Jane as they were the company that did a lie-flat car seat/cot. Leonora was preemie and therefore needed to be completely flat as much as possible. The other 2 all subsequently used this pram, but I did buy a side by side double buggy when Johnny was a little bigger so I could take both children out at the same time.
Lots of other companies have copied the big brands, and have come out with some excellent designs. I think it is really worth going to a large store, such as John Lewis, having a demo of all the buggies and choosing what is right for you. Take into account weight, ease of folding, where you live and what use you want to get out of it. The best brand is not necessarily the best for you. All of them have pros and cons, none are perfect.
C
Cots
My advice is to buy or borrow a little one, like a swinging crib (great for rocking the baby to sleep, although many specialists say not to do this. I say rock away at 3am with a crying baby and serious sleep deprivation) or a moses basket (good as you can bring it downstairs and stick it in the kitchen/garden etc with you - I used my lie-flat car seat for this, as you can put the wheels on and walk around - rocking again!). Then I would probably, in hindsight, just go for a cot bed. It saves the cost of the middle step of a cot, and you can take the sides off and make it a toddler bed when they are older. The baby might look tiny in it, but I don't think they mind! My parents kindly bought me a swinging crib, which lasted ages as Leonora was so tiny, then I bought a cot from our local charity shop. I just zipped off the mattress protector and washed it; scrubbed all the bars etc with disinfectant, and then it was as good as new. You don't need to buy everything new - having a baby is expensive, so take all the hand-me-downs you can get. One thing I would recommend is getting the baby used to sleeping in its cot. It is sometimes very tempting to take the baby out in the buggy everywhere, as they love the feeling of motion and they sleep like little logs, but you really want them to love their bed - it makes them much better sleepers at night, when YOU really need the rest. So, if you can, get your friends to come and visit you at home, and try and get the baby used to its bed.
Cot bumpers
There is a lot of hype around cot bumpers. I personally like them as they keep all the toys in the bed, they keep a dummy in the bed, and they stop little limbs from finding their way through the bars of the cot. However, be sensible. Make sure there are no choking hazards, and the bumper is well tucked in behind/under the mattress. When the baby is tiny, keep most toys out of the bed, with only a comforter if they have become attached to it.
Comforters
If your baby shows a preference for a certain toy (normally from 4-5 months onwards, as they become more aware), then buy another one the same. It can be a nightmare when they a) lose it b) throw up on it c) drop it in a dirty puddle. Swap them over regularly as they get used to them ageing, and if they get a brand new one after loving to death an old smelly one, it will not get the same reception. The smellier they are, the more they love them, so wash them regularly too so they don't get used to a complete stinky state that you can't recreate with the spare one!
D
Delegate
The most successful entrepreneurs of the world get by because they hire a fantastic team to help them. They cannot and do not do it all themselves. You must learn to do the same. I am not talking here about maternity nurses, nannies and aupairs, I am talking about your husband/partner and immediate family. If I could rate my tips, this would probably come up as the top one. Sadly we cannot hire our family for their baby skills, but let this not perturb you. I have so many friends who built a rod for their own backs because every time anyone else dealt with their baby they did it wrong, so they felt it was easier to do it themselves. And initially this is completely true. Your husband and family will do it totally the opposite way from you. They will get clothes dirty, bottoms sore, feeding times wrong, sleep times missed. But the key to this is it doesn't matter. You might be handed back a tired, grizzly baby that you now have to settle, and think that it wasn't worth it. Persevere! The more you let them try, the better they get at it. The better the get at it, the less the baby relies on you alone. Not only will you be suffering from sleep deprivation, but you will also be desperate just to have some time for you. Time to get your legs waxed, or time to go and have a coffee for half an hour, alone. If you feel comfortable leaving your husband with the baby, then you can! Furthermore, if you get invited to a wedding, or a weekend away and you have to leave the baby a bit longer, it is so important you have someone to rely on. Your parents/inlaws/family will be more happy volunteering to help because they have established a relationship with the baby, and you will feel happier that you child is in good hands, even if they are different hands.
Depression
This is still a taboo subject and it makes me mad. I suffered from post-natal depression with the birth of my son, Johnny. Leonora was 2 and had just been diagnosed with mild Hemiplegia (a form of cerebral palsy that affects one side of the body). With a new baby, hormones raging, and Leonora's diagnosis on my mind, my balance after a week of baby blues simply did not return. I cried and I cried and I cried. Everywhere I went I asked other mothers 'what do you do?' 'how do you do bath time?' 'when do you feed?' 'how do you deal with them both crying at once?'. When the pharmacist asked me how I was, I just burst into tears. And I am such a strong person. I just didn't recognise myself at all. I adored my new baby with all my heart, but I remember thinking, as I cut the crusts off some toast, 'if I just cut my hand whilst doing this, I wonder if I could go to hospital and have a break?' (Wow, it's actually hard being this open). It was my in-laws who made me see the light. Being medics, they simply said 'if you had a cold you would take a lemsip right? So, you are ill, go to the doctor and take some medicine. You need to be strong for your children [bemused Leonora who saw me crying all the time]' They made me see there is no shame in it - and as soon as I started taking some medication I felt better. Initally I cried all day, and stopped in the evening, then I cried all morning and stopped in the afternoon, then I stopped crying. I took it for 3 months, and weaned myself off, as I knew I was strong enough (dr had recommended 6 months). If you, at any moment, feel you can't cope, just speak to the doctor. Do it for your kids and your family. Do it for you. Don't be ashamed.
Diet
When you are pregnant you will put on weight, and this varies very unfairly from person to person. All I can say is Don't Eat for Two. Do eat when you are hungry, do make sure you are eating filling foods rich in all the omegas (avocado, fish etc), mountains of fruit and veg and try to avoid highly processed breads (eat brown rather than white). Take a Folic Acid supplement, and if you can afford them as they seem to cost a fortune these days, a pregnancy multivitamin including omegas. If you have a tendency to put on weight, then, although it is really hard, try and swap the bag of crisps you are craving for, for something really boring like a piece of wholemeal toast. Much harder said than done, I craved croissants and barbeque hula hoops during all 3 pregnancies. And try and avoid wolfing the children's tea leftovers (I do this a lot). If it really stresses you, then it's not worth it - don't worry about it. Eat as well as you feel you can. It's much more important that you are happy, and that your baby is healthy.
After the birth it can be really hard to shift the weight. I have seen this first hand from my sister, who only put on 2 stone during her pregnancies, but ballooned during breastfeeding as she was so famished all the time, and then really struggled to lose the weight. After a certain amount of time, the excuse 'I've just had a baby' no longer held true and her self confidence was really hit. But you know what, she has 2 stunning babies, she has managed to get most of the weight off now, and she'd never swap her children to go back to her pre-baby body. (See also Exercise).
E
Ears
If your baby's ears are dirty, please don't shove earbuds (Q-tips in the US) into their ears. I can be really dangerous. Get a piece of cotton wool, wet it, shape it into a long worm and use that to clean.
Eyes
Your baby will probably have a basic eye check by the paediatrician once born before you are discharged. If your baby's eye balls are yellowish in colour it can be a symptom of jaundice, which is quite common in infants. The yellow colouring comes from bilirubin, produced in the body by the normal breakdown of red blood cells, which sometimes a newborn liver cannot cope with. Depending on the severity, will go away by itself as long as the baby is being fed well and getting lots of daylight, or they may put your baby under a sunlamp for a little bit, which alters the bilirubin to help the baby's body get rid of it more easily. Both Leonora and Cici had jaundice, Leonora was worse and had to be under the sun lamp when she was born, Cici's just faded after a week or so.
Eggs
Did you know (I learnt this recently) that if you are female, all the eggs you will ever have, are already in your body since birth. The ovaries do not produce them every month after puberty, they simply release them.
Exercise
It is annoyingly true that if you keep your metabolic rate going during your pregnancy, you will find it easier to loose any extra weight post birth. It sounds like a smug thing that skinny people say, but it is a fact. So if you can, walk rather than take the bus or take the stairs rather than the lift (if you are in 3rd trimester and having issues with your pelvis etc, clearly totally ignore this). Post baby, if you get the time and you feel up to it, again try to get active. You don't have to go to the gym. Just get out and about a bit more. Even better if you can do it with another new mum for moral support. It does work. I promise.
F
Food
Your doctor will have advised you what foods to avoid during your pregnancy. The reality is that you might crave some of these food types, and if you are a sensible person you can eat some of them with moderation. I ate salamis and cured meats a lot during my pregnancies. I also ate runny eggs, rare beef and prawns. In all of those instances I knew that what I was eating was very fresh and prepared in a safe environment. I would not eat prawns in a sandwich from a service station. I would eat prawns that had been freshly caught by the sea in Devon. The one food I never ate was liver pate as the high levels of vitamin A are bad for the baby (birth defects and liver toxicity. Basically, you need a certain amount of vitamin A and a certain type, but liver is the wrong amount and wrong type). You are told to avoid most foods because of the risk of bad bacterias in those foods. These bacterias can give you food poisoning, but, even worse, they can affect the baby in the womb. For eggs and meat it is salmonella. For cheeses and non liver pates it is listeria. I would never wish to advise anyone wrongly, and the safest thing to do is to avoid these foods completely. But what I don't want is for you to become paranoid about every tiny thing you eat.
M
Mastitis
Mastitis is a painful infection you can get in your breasts when a milk duct gets blocked. It is quite common, and I had it with my youngest, Cici. She was born on the 16th December, and I was so smug about not being in hospital over Christmas, that I tempted fate, and was admitted on Boxing Day. I had woken up with a terrible fever, going hot and then freezing within seconds and I had no idea what was wrong with me. My boobs were a bit sore, but not terrible. Instead of going to A&E I went straight up to the labour ward (a good tip if you have just had a newborn, they see you much more quickly than A&E). I was rushed into isolation as they feared I had swine flu. All staff were told to wear gloves and masks every time they came near me. However the midwife just kept saying ' this is crazy, you've got mastitis!' By this stage my left breast had gone really red, and it was suddenly getting much more painful to feed. Then the right one joined in. During this I was wheeled around the hospital by masked porters to have sputum tests, chest x-rays and all the other tests for swine flu. Finally the doctor wanted to treat me for swine flu whilst waiting for the test results. I did not want any more medication in my body than necessary (as it goes through your milk to the baby), and certainly not those used for swine flu. I let them give me the medication for mastitis and said I would take the risk of waiting to see if I had swine flu. The next day I was sent home with good tips from the lovely midwife:
Maternity underwear
Maternity bras are a nightmare. Elle Macpherson Intimates does some nice ones that make you feel less like Matron from the Carry On films. However I would go to a large store and buy some basic ones too - as the Elle ones are quite lacy and can show bumpy under your clothing. What you need to think about it size. Your boobs will get bigger when your milk comes in, so I wouldn't go buying lots in your 3rd trimester thinking you are as big as you'll ever be, because you are probably not. Regarding pre-feeding maternity bras, there is a lot of mixed view about still wearing underwires. I didn't in my first pregnancy, but did in the next 2 as I just got fed up of saggy boobs. Rather than buying feeding bras, I bought a few basic skin coloured and white regular slightly padded bras from a cheap shop as my boobs were fluctuating so much in size and I didn't want to spend a fortune. I also bought some non-wired sporty type bras (not tight fitting) to wear at night just to support my breasts a little. It can make it more comfortable if they get painful.
N
Nappy Creams/ Nappy Rash
I always liked to put nappy cream on my babies' bottoms every time I changed their nappy. My cream of choice is Weleda Baby nappy cream. It is organic, for sensitive skin and smells nice, but not too strong. It is important not to put any parabens, SLSs etc on such delicate skin, so sticking to organic, although more expensive, is safest. Burts Bees nappy cream smells divine, but in my experience the lavender essential oils in it are too strong and can sting the skin. If your baby develops nappy rash (teething, weaning, antibiotics - 3 big causes) then you often need to try something a little stronger. The doctor normally recommends Bepanthen or Metanium. The latter worked well on my first 2. It is thick and yellow, and I always put lots on rather than the thin layer the instructions recommends. Ideally you put on a thin layer, wait for it to dry, then apply another layer, then put on the nappy. This can be quite a challenge with a newborn baby as they tend to pee when their bits are exposed for too long. Then you have to change them again, especially if they are sore. So my advice is to put it on thickly and get the nappy on quickly. Bepanthen is more creamy in texture and rubs off more easily which is why I like metanium better. However, do be careful. For Cici, metanium made the nappy rash even worse. I thought this might be by chance, so tried it again another time and the same thing happened. Her skin was much more sensitive than the others. If it is the summer, and nice warm weather, it is really very good to leave them without a nappy, lying on a towel, and let the fresh air get to the bottom. It helps tremendously, so long as you are prepared that they might poop on your towel.
All of my children have had nappy rash at some time, but Cici had it the most severely. It went into blisters and I was at a loss what to do, having tried all the creams on the market and finding most of them made it worse. Finally I ordered some cream from the States called Bag Balm. It is what they use on cow's udders to stop them getting chapped! It is a bit like vaseline, and did seem to be soothing.
Be aware that sometimes nappy rash can actually be from a fungal infection. A thrush cream like Canesten, or an althete's foot cream that contains miconazole can both treat it very well. You might want to see the doctor to double check, but by baby no 3 I would quite often try it if all else had failed.
Nipple Thrush
Euk, it doesn't sound too nice. It's a fungal infection, that you get from your baby's mouth. Often newborns can have thrush of the mouth (I don't know why - perhaps if they have had antibiotics at birth like Leonora did? Antibiotics kill bacteria, but not just one, but several types of bacteria. This means the 'good bacteria' [think those yogurt adverts] also gets killed. This makes it easier for fungal infections to form) and when they feed they pass it to you. There are no horrible symptoms, and it's hard to diagnose. Your nipples look red, but they do anyway when feeding your first, and it feels very sore, which again you are told it will when you first feed. But after having fed 2 successfully and 1 not, there is sore and there is sore. This is like daggers through your nipples. Toe scrunchingly painful. Take your breath away pain. Regular feeding hurts, but as the baby brings in the milk, the pain subsides. With nipple thrush it doesn't. If you are not sure, go and see your doctor. The treatment is an antifungal gel to put in the baby's mouth after each feed, and either oral anti fungals or an anti fungal cream for you to put on your nipples after each feed. It is a total pain, but you must do it otherwise you and baby keep passing the thrush back to each other and it doesn't heal.
Nipple Creams
I think it's very important to put nipple cream on after each feed, even if you don't have sore nipples, just until your boobs get used to it. There are lots of different good ones on the market. I like Lansinoh, it has a yukky consistency a bit like ear wax but it works. You don't have to wipe it off before each feed as it is harmless to the baby, but you will probably want to wear breast pads in your bra or it will stain your clothes.
O
Orange juice
If your baby is constipated you might try diluting fresh orange juice (no bits or they get stuck in the bottle teat) with cooled boiled water and giving them a little of that. It seems a grown up drink for a new born, but in small amounts it can really help.
C
Cots
My advice is to buy or borrow a little one, like a swinging crib (great for rocking the baby to sleep, although many specialists say not to do this. I say rock away at 3am with a crying baby and serious sleep deprivation) or a moses basket (good as you can bring it downstairs and stick it in the kitchen/garden etc with you - I used my lie-flat car seat for this, as you can put the wheels on and walk around - rocking again!). Then I would probably, in hindsight, just go for a cot bed. It saves the cost of the middle step of a cot, and you can take the sides off and make it a toddler bed when they are older. The baby might look tiny in it, but I don't think they mind! My parents kindly bought me a swinging crib, which lasted ages as Leonora was so tiny, then I bought a cot from our local charity shop. I just zipped off the mattress protector and washed it; scrubbed all the bars etc with disinfectant, and then it was as good as new. You don't need to buy everything new - having a baby is expensive, so take all the hand-me-downs you can get. One thing I would recommend is getting the baby used to sleeping in its cot. It is sometimes very tempting to take the baby out in the buggy everywhere, as they love the feeling of motion and they sleep like little logs, but you really want them to love their bed - it makes them much better sleepers at night, when YOU really need the rest. So, if you can, get your friends to come and visit you at home, and try and get the baby used to its bed.
Cot bumpers
There is a lot of hype around cot bumpers. I personally like them as they keep all the toys in the bed, they keep a dummy in the bed, and they stop little limbs from finding their way through the bars of the cot. However, be sensible. Make sure there are no choking hazards, and the bumper is well tucked in behind/under the mattress. When the baby is tiny, keep most toys out of the bed, with only a comforter if they have become attached to it.
Comforters
If your baby shows a preference for a certain toy (normally from 4-5 months onwards, as they become more aware), then buy another one the same. It can be a nightmare when they a) lose it b) throw up on it c) drop it in a dirty puddle. Swap them over regularly as they get used to them ageing, and if they get a brand new one after loving to death an old smelly one, it will not get the same reception. The smellier they are, the more they love them, so wash them regularly too so they don't get used to a complete stinky state that you can't recreate with the spare one!
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Delegate
The most successful entrepreneurs of the world get by because they hire a fantastic team to help them. They cannot and do not do it all themselves. You must learn to do the same. I am not talking here about maternity nurses, nannies and aupairs, I am talking about your husband/partner and immediate family. If I could rate my tips, this would probably come up as the top one. Sadly we cannot hire our family for their baby skills, but let this not perturb you. I have so many friends who built a rod for their own backs because every time anyone else dealt with their baby they did it wrong, so they felt it was easier to do it themselves. And initially this is completely true. Your husband and family will do it totally the opposite way from you. They will get clothes dirty, bottoms sore, feeding times wrong, sleep times missed. But the key to this is it doesn't matter. You might be handed back a tired, grizzly baby that you now have to settle, and think that it wasn't worth it. Persevere! The more you let them try, the better they get at it. The better the get at it, the less the baby relies on you alone. Not only will you be suffering from sleep deprivation, but you will also be desperate just to have some time for you. Time to get your legs waxed, or time to go and have a coffee for half an hour, alone. If you feel comfortable leaving your husband with the baby, then you can! Furthermore, if you get invited to a wedding, or a weekend away and you have to leave the baby a bit longer, it is so important you have someone to rely on. Your parents/inlaws/family will be more happy volunteering to help because they have established a relationship with the baby, and you will feel happier that you child is in good hands, even if they are different hands.
Depression
This is still a taboo subject and it makes me mad. I suffered from post-natal depression with the birth of my son, Johnny. Leonora was 2 and had just been diagnosed with mild Hemiplegia (a form of cerebral palsy that affects one side of the body). With a new baby, hormones raging, and Leonora's diagnosis on my mind, my balance after a week of baby blues simply did not return. I cried and I cried and I cried. Everywhere I went I asked other mothers 'what do you do?' 'how do you do bath time?' 'when do you feed?' 'how do you deal with them both crying at once?'. When the pharmacist asked me how I was, I just burst into tears. And I am such a strong person. I just didn't recognise myself at all. I adored my new baby with all my heart, but I remember thinking, as I cut the crusts off some toast, 'if I just cut my hand whilst doing this, I wonder if I could go to hospital and have a break?' (Wow, it's actually hard being this open). It was my in-laws who made me see the light. Being medics, they simply said 'if you had a cold you would take a lemsip right? So, you are ill, go to the doctor and take some medicine. You need to be strong for your children [bemused Leonora who saw me crying all the time]' They made me see there is no shame in it - and as soon as I started taking some medication I felt better. Initally I cried all day, and stopped in the evening, then I cried all morning and stopped in the afternoon, then I stopped crying. I took it for 3 months, and weaned myself off, as I knew I was strong enough (dr had recommended 6 months). If you, at any moment, feel you can't cope, just speak to the doctor. Do it for your kids and your family. Do it for you. Don't be ashamed.
Diet
When you are pregnant you will put on weight, and this varies very unfairly from person to person. All I can say is Don't Eat for Two. Do eat when you are hungry, do make sure you are eating filling foods rich in all the omegas (avocado, fish etc), mountains of fruit and veg and try to avoid highly processed breads (eat brown rather than white). Take a Folic Acid supplement, and if you can afford them as they seem to cost a fortune these days, a pregnancy multivitamin including omegas. If you have a tendency to put on weight, then, although it is really hard, try and swap the bag of crisps you are craving for, for something really boring like a piece of wholemeal toast. Much harder said than done, I craved croissants and barbeque hula hoops during all 3 pregnancies. And try and avoid wolfing the children's tea leftovers (I do this a lot). If it really stresses you, then it's not worth it - don't worry about it. Eat as well as you feel you can. It's much more important that you are happy, and that your baby is healthy.
After the birth it can be really hard to shift the weight. I have seen this first hand from my sister, who only put on 2 stone during her pregnancies, but ballooned during breastfeeding as she was so famished all the time, and then really struggled to lose the weight. After a certain amount of time, the excuse 'I've just had a baby' no longer held true and her self confidence was really hit. But you know what, she has 2 stunning babies, she has managed to get most of the weight off now, and she'd never swap her children to go back to her pre-baby body. (See also Exercise).
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Ears
If your baby's ears are dirty, please don't shove earbuds (Q-tips in the US) into their ears. I can be really dangerous. Get a piece of cotton wool, wet it, shape it into a long worm and use that to clean.
Eyes
Your baby will probably have a basic eye check by the paediatrician once born before you are discharged. If your baby's eye balls are yellowish in colour it can be a symptom of jaundice, which is quite common in infants. The yellow colouring comes from bilirubin, produced in the body by the normal breakdown of red blood cells, which sometimes a newborn liver cannot cope with. Depending on the severity, will go away by itself as long as the baby is being fed well and getting lots of daylight, or they may put your baby under a sunlamp for a little bit, which alters the bilirubin to help the baby's body get rid of it more easily. Both Leonora and Cici had jaundice, Leonora was worse and had to be under the sun lamp when she was born, Cici's just faded after a week or so.
Eggs
Did you know (I learnt this recently) that if you are female, all the eggs you will ever have, are already in your body since birth. The ovaries do not produce them every month after puberty, they simply release them.
Exercise
It is annoyingly true that if you keep your metabolic rate going during your pregnancy, you will find it easier to loose any extra weight post birth. It sounds like a smug thing that skinny people say, but it is a fact. So if you can, walk rather than take the bus or take the stairs rather than the lift (if you are in 3rd trimester and having issues with your pelvis etc, clearly totally ignore this). Post baby, if you get the time and you feel up to it, again try to get active. You don't have to go to the gym. Just get out and about a bit more. Even better if you can do it with another new mum for moral support. It does work. I promise.
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Food
Your doctor will have advised you what foods to avoid during your pregnancy. The reality is that you might crave some of these food types, and if you are a sensible person you can eat some of them with moderation. I ate salamis and cured meats a lot during my pregnancies. I also ate runny eggs, rare beef and prawns. In all of those instances I knew that what I was eating was very fresh and prepared in a safe environment. I would not eat prawns in a sandwich from a service station. I would eat prawns that had been freshly caught by the sea in Devon. The one food I never ate was liver pate as the high levels of vitamin A are bad for the baby (birth defects and liver toxicity. Basically, you need a certain amount of vitamin A and a certain type, but liver is the wrong amount and wrong type). You are told to avoid most foods because of the risk of bad bacterias in those foods. These bacterias can give you food poisoning, but, even worse, they can affect the baby in the womb. For eggs and meat it is salmonella. For cheeses and non liver pates it is listeria. I would never wish to advise anyone wrongly, and the safest thing to do is to avoid these foods completely. But what I don't want is for you to become paranoid about every tiny thing you eat.
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Mastitis
Mastitis is a painful infection you can get in your breasts when a milk duct gets blocked. It is quite common, and I had it with my youngest, Cici. She was born on the 16th December, and I was so smug about not being in hospital over Christmas, that I tempted fate, and was admitted on Boxing Day. I had woken up with a terrible fever, going hot and then freezing within seconds and I had no idea what was wrong with me. My boobs were a bit sore, but not terrible. Instead of going to A&E I went straight up to the labour ward (a good tip if you have just had a newborn, they see you much more quickly than A&E). I was rushed into isolation as they feared I had swine flu. All staff were told to wear gloves and masks every time they came near me. However the midwife just kept saying ' this is crazy, you've got mastitis!' By this stage my left breast had gone really red, and it was suddenly getting much more painful to feed. Then the right one joined in. During this I was wheeled around the hospital by masked porters to have sputum tests, chest x-rays and all the other tests for swine flu. Finally the doctor wanted to treat me for swine flu whilst waiting for the test results. I did not want any more medication in my body than necessary (as it goes through your milk to the baby), and certainly not those used for swine flu. I let them give me the medication for mastitis and said I would take the risk of waiting to see if I had swine flu. The next day I was sent home with good tips from the lovely midwife:
- Cold (keep them in the fridge) dark green cabbage leaves in each bra. They really do soothe.
- Continuous feeding, especially with the painful breast, to keep the breast milk flowing and the ducts from blocking.
- Don't worry about taking a little paracetamol if needed (not aspirin). It is more important to keep feeding and small amounts that might go through the breast milk will not harm the baby.
- Quick showers rather than long baths. Hot water causes the milk to let down into your boobs, and when they are painful you want to reduce this if possible.
- Massage the knots in your breasts, to avoid the ducts blocking.
Maternity underwear
Maternity bras are a nightmare. Elle Macpherson Intimates does some nice ones that make you feel less like Matron from the Carry On films. However I would go to a large store and buy some basic ones too - as the Elle ones are quite lacy and can show bumpy under your clothing. What you need to think about it size. Your boobs will get bigger when your milk comes in, so I wouldn't go buying lots in your 3rd trimester thinking you are as big as you'll ever be, because you are probably not. Regarding pre-feeding maternity bras, there is a lot of mixed view about still wearing underwires. I didn't in my first pregnancy, but did in the next 2 as I just got fed up of saggy boobs. Rather than buying feeding bras, I bought a few basic skin coloured and white regular slightly padded bras from a cheap shop as my boobs were fluctuating so much in size and I didn't want to spend a fortune. I also bought some non-wired sporty type bras (not tight fitting) to wear at night just to support my breasts a little. It can make it more comfortable if they get painful.
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Nappy Creams/ Nappy Rash
I always liked to put nappy cream on my babies' bottoms every time I changed their nappy. My cream of choice is Weleda Baby nappy cream. It is organic, for sensitive skin and smells nice, but not too strong. It is important not to put any parabens, SLSs etc on such delicate skin, so sticking to organic, although more expensive, is safest. Burts Bees nappy cream smells divine, but in my experience the lavender essential oils in it are too strong and can sting the skin. If your baby develops nappy rash (teething, weaning, antibiotics - 3 big causes) then you often need to try something a little stronger. The doctor normally recommends Bepanthen or Metanium. The latter worked well on my first 2. It is thick and yellow, and I always put lots on rather than the thin layer the instructions recommends. Ideally you put on a thin layer, wait for it to dry, then apply another layer, then put on the nappy. This can be quite a challenge with a newborn baby as they tend to pee when their bits are exposed for too long. Then you have to change them again, especially if they are sore. So my advice is to put it on thickly and get the nappy on quickly. Bepanthen is more creamy in texture and rubs off more easily which is why I like metanium better. However, do be careful. For Cici, metanium made the nappy rash even worse. I thought this might be by chance, so tried it again another time and the same thing happened. Her skin was much more sensitive than the others. If it is the summer, and nice warm weather, it is really very good to leave them without a nappy, lying on a towel, and let the fresh air get to the bottom. It helps tremendously, so long as you are prepared that they might poop on your towel.
All of my children have had nappy rash at some time, but Cici had it the most severely. It went into blisters and I was at a loss what to do, having tried all the creams on the market and finding most of them made it worse. Finally I ordered some cream from the States called Bag Balm. It is what they use on cow's udders to stop them getting chapped! It is a bit like vaseline, and did seem to be soothing.
Be aware that sometimes nappy rash can actually be from a fungal infection. A thrush cream like Canesten, or an althete's foot cream that contains miconazole can both treat it very well. You might want to see the doctor to double check, but by baby no 3 I would quite often try it if all else had failed.
Nipple Thrush
Euk, it doesn't sound too nice. It's a fungal infection, that you get from your baby's mouth. Often newborns can have thrush of the mouth (I don't know why - perhaps if they have had antibiotics at birth like Leonora did? Antibiotics kill bacteria, but not just one, but several types of bacteria. This means the 'good bacteria' [think those yogurt adverts] also gets killed. This makes it easier for fungal infections to form) and when they feed they pass it to you. There are no horrible symptoms, and it's hard to diagnose. Your nipples look red, but they do anyway when feeding your first, and it feels very sore, which again you are told it will when you first feed. But after having fed 2 successfully and 1 not, there is sore and there is sore. This is like daggers through your nipples. Toe scrunchingly painful. Take your breath away pain. Regular feeding hurts, but as the baby brings in the milk, the pain subsides. With nipple thrush it doesn't. If you are not sure, go and see your doctor. The treatment is an antifungal gel to put in the baby's mouth after each feed, and either oral anti fungals or an anti fungal cream for you to put on your nipples after each feed. It is a total pain, but you must do it otherwise you and baby keep passing the thrush back to each other and it doesn't heal.
Nipple Creams
I think it's very important to put nipple cream on after each feed, even if you don't have sore nipples, just until your boobs get used to it. There are lots of different good ones on the market. I like Lansinoh, it has a yukky consistency a bit like ear wax but it works. You don't have to wipe it off before each feed as it is harmless to the baby, but you will probably want to wear breast pads in your bra or it will stain your clothes.
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Orange juice
If your baby is constipated you might try diluting fresh orange juice (no bits or they get stuck in the bottle teat) with cooled boiled water and giving them a little of that. It seems a grown up drink for a new born, but in small amounts it can really help.
